Not even Verashni Pillay could get a drink at the Saxonwold Shebeen.

Aside

Note from the Saxonwold Shebeen Barman.

The recently launched moron funnel, Huffington Post SA is, well lets say, having a torrid time, after it decided to publish an opinion piece by a writer who proclaims to be a femi-nazi and who also doesn’t actually exist.

The piece advocated for white men to lose the right to vote and was reportedly very popular on the site. When Laura Twiggs (good on you) investigated the supposed author of the rotten opinion piece, Shelley Garland, it emerged that she appeared to be as fake as a Jacob Zuma suggesting that he would settle the bill after a night out at the Saxonwood Shebeen.

Garland, an “MA Philosophy Student” and her Twitter bio said she was a “Perpetual Feminist causing the retreat of patriarchy”, and lived in Auckland, New Zealand. As if.

No one could find a trace of her at the University of Johannesburg, where she claimed to have studied. She had also claimed to be a University of Cape Town student, which is, well, unfortunate.

Huffpost SA later took down the column and editor Verashni Pillay wrote that “We have done this because the blog submission from an individual who called herself Shelley Garland, who claimed to be an MA student at UCT, cannot be traced and appears not to exist.” Something we should probably call out, is, well we have reason to believe Verashni is Shelly and Shelly is Verashni.

DA member of parliament John Steenhuisen (never seen this dude at the Shebeen) on Saturday called for Pillay to resign, claiming that she had also incorrectly reported, while editor of the Mail & Guardian, that DA leader Mmusi Maimane had been taking leadership lessons from former National Party president FW de Klerk.

Seems like this chick has been on the Shebeen booze a little too much and making up stories in her spare time. See below:

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We generally don’t exercise our right of admission at the Saxonwood Shebeen – but in this case I think we can make an exception.

#saxonwoldshebeen

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Want to feel better? Lets talk government pensions.

With the State Of The Nation Address (SONA 2017) now firmly planted in the annuls of history and seared into the minds of all South Africans, there is a little topic we need to broach – Government Pensions. Why you ask? Well, because I am sitting on my couch and these are the things that I think about on a regular basis, and perhaps you need a little cheering up given the madness that was SONA.

Some background: So any one who works for the ‘man’ in South Africa has probably considered a pension due to the tax efficiency of their contributions (details don’t matter here) and also because some people say its a good idea to put some dosh away for when you stop working one day. Kapeesh?

In simple terms, there are people who manage these pensions on a monthly basis and decide how best to invest your hard earned cash. They target all manner of investments to make sure they a generating enough return for their subscribers/investors/men/women in-the-street. If you work in government the same applies. They also have pensions and hopes and dreams, potentially. There is no difference in the mechanics. The South African Government Employees Pension Fund (GEPF) is Africa’s largest pension fund. They have more than 1.2 million active members and around 400,000 pensioners who receive their pension on a monthly basis, just like a salary, but for old people.

Lets talk for a moment WHERE and with whom, the GEPF invests its cash. Its main investment vehicle is the Public Investment Corporation (PIC) these guys and gals are wholly owned by the South African Government.

Their top five clients are:

– The Government Employees Pension Fund (GEPF)

– The Unemployment Insurance Fund (UIF)

– The Associated Institutions Pension Fund (AIPF)

– The Compensation Commissioner: Pension Fund (CCPF)

– Compensation Commissioner Fund (CC).

Source: http://www.pic.gov.za/index.php/about-us/

See GEPF there? Ok good. Now lets break down WHAT they invest in for their pension clients – remember those government employees…….? Well, the Chairperson of the board of trustees of the Government Employees Pension Fund (GEPF), Arthur Moloto, confirmed it held roughly 50% of Sanral bonds valued at around R15.7bn, Source: Beeld. And we all can speculate how that one is going. So I looked a little deeper at that little gold mine:

Unpaid accounts stood at R7.2-billion at the end of March 2016, with the largest single unpaid bill topping R35-million, and three million road users remain in arrears. Collections are supremely low, and in one month the entire e-toll collection did not match the average R54-million a month paid to the company that operates the tolling. Sanral’s revenue shortfalls have seen its debt rocket from R6.2-billion in 2007 to R36.7-billion in 2015. Source: http://www.nra.co.za/content/4558_SANRAL_Annual%20Report%202016_email.pdf

Get the picture? I would be as cross as a snake if I knew I have some of my yacht dosh rolled up into the violet gantries that are almost falling apart. Let me reiterate, Etoll has never made a profit. What looked like such an brilliant investment on paper for the Government Employees has turned out to be the worst performing investment in its history.

What else could there be lurking in the shadows of GEPF poor decisions and crony capitalism?

African Bank – The GEPF is African Banks Largest Shareholder was in crisis due to the over selling of unsecured debt. This basically means, they gave credit (buy now pay later) to people buying ridiculously overpriced and garish furniture to people who has ZERO hope of being able to pay for it. Remember Ellerines and their stupid adverts? Them.

So we have two beauts here, all partially funded by the GEPF. The GEPF in these two instances would have been better off buying their subscribers some popcorn, a coke and movie tickets to “Cry the Beloved Country”. It is no wonder we hear comments about how over run the economy is with White Monopoly Capital or that fact that transformation hasn’t happened at fast as it should have – in light of the two examples above do we really believe that BS? I know, if I go out of the joll and drop R10K on tequila, I don’t go and blame the bar man. No matter how kak I feel the next day.

Wouldn’t you be pissed off and looking for someone to blame? So when you summon up enough courage to watch more of the SONA 2017 on Youtube, remember sometimes the good news stories write themselves. #silverlining

 

 

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SASSA SAGA – KFC and Negotiation

For those interested in a supreme lesson in the art of negotiation, I have a wonderful story for you.

FILE: Bathabile Dlamini. Picture: Facebook.

Still warm from the glow of the spot light of the constitutional court Bathabile Dlamini is our heroine, the earstwhile damsel in charge of the Department of Social Development who absolutely loves KFC and thinking about social grants, has been played like the fiddle.

10 points Monopoly Capital    0 – SASSA.

We begin our story while ago. Our heroine, tasked a very pompous sounding Ministerial Committee with the task of  reviewing the payment mechanism and organisation responsible for the issuing of cash to some 16,000,000 South Africans. This payment is called a social grant. These social grants are constitutionally mandated, and are paid on a monthly basis to all deserving gogo’s, single mothers and child headed households, among others. So this Ministerial Committee sat, some times for weeks at a time taking copious notes, minuting all the ebb and flow of their learned discussions coming up with a fabulous conclusion and a solution that could be presented to their leader on the best way forward…….. Hold on……. No they didn’t….. They sat, that I’m sure of. I am also sure of the endless amount of KFC that was consumed during these meetings, chicken bones probably filling the dustbins, belts groaning under the strain of yet another streetwise 2. Washed down by copious little plastic cups of soft drinks filled to the brim from 2L coke bottles haphazardly laid out on a trestle table with no table cloth. At the end of these sessions, the one thing they did was say to the incumbent supplier – Cash Payment Solutions, that their contract to supply this service to the 16,000,000 South Africans, was coming to an end and their relationship would not continue at all from 1 April 2017.

Enter Serge Belemant, Wits Alumnus, who is the Chairman of the business who was charged with the task of paying the gogo’s and the other deserving South Africans. He says, ‘cool’, and walks away hands in his pockets into the sunset, a sneaky grin on his face. This sneaky grin is not misplaced dear reader, oh no. In a nutshell, paying 16,000,000 gogo’s some cash on a monthly basis is a fabulously difficult task – systems, solutions, data, hosting, code, schema are words that come to mind. To put is simply, how do you know which gogo you have already paid and which gogos you are yet to pay? Do they have an ID book? Are they dead? Are they sick and wont be able to get to the cashiers desk? How far in advance do you send the cash? How do you send the cash? How much do you send?  You get the picture….. Jump back to the room with the 2l coke bottles and the belts groaning, faces covered in 11 secret herbs and spices, people scratching their heads, some even hitting their heads because the weave is too tight and tell me in what universe this this collection of comrades think they would be able to emulate even a fraction of the service performed by CPS?  Not this one.

They didn’t, because they couldn’t and that is why they have failed.

Waiting in the wings is another South African saint, The Chief Justice, Mogeng Mogeng. A true South African in every sense of the word, incredibly successful, articulate and quite clearly has the best interests of the Country at heart. Nailed Jacob Zuma and found him to have breached his oath of office (we will tackle that another time), so we like this fellow. He summons Bathabile Dlamini to Bloem for a show down, why you ask? Because she has run the Department of Social Development into the ground and the court finds the following, “This court and the whole country are now confronted with a situation where the executive arm of government admits that it is not able to fulfil its constitutional and statutory obligations to provide for the social assistance of its people”, “And in the deepest and the most shaming of ironies, it now seeks to rely on a private corporate entity with no discernible commitment to transformative empowerment to get it out of this predicament”. After Jacob Zuma’s state of the nation speech, doesn’t this hit you in the face with irony? They couldn’t find a single company with the technical skill and experience to perform the task of giving money to deserving citizens. Not a single one with any BEE credentials fit for the task. They hadn’t been able to educate a single person or group to the level of competence required even with the coffers of the country wide open and promises of rapid transformation over more than 2 decades.

This is a stunning victory for capitalism, sheer hard work and the art of the deal. Waiting in the wings for sure and certain failure of the Ministerial panto, Serge gets a call that I could only imagine went like this. “Hallo, Mr Serge pleze come back”. Serge being the gent he is says, “Only with the greatest of pleasure, Madame” – the grin on his face now a beaming smile from ear to ear. Just before he ends the call he also mentions in passing that the terms of the agreement, on the 11th hour with chaos erupting across the country, have now changed some what. “CPS will now be charging 30% more per social grant payment”, around R16.50 per person per payment every month for the next 5 years. This in the context of a KFC task team setup to eradicate this cost altogether. The art of the deal, pure and simple, and surely the nail in the coffin on the political career of someone who spends waaay too much time at Saxonwold Shebeen.

And in an even more stunning twist, the Constitutional Court have now given Bathabile Dlamini 2 weeks to come up with reasons as to why she shouldn’t be personally liable for wasting their time and ours and the gogo’s.

http://ewn.co.za/2017/03/17/bathabile-dlamini-i-m-sorry

http://ewn.co.za/2017/03/18/dlamini-has-until-month-end-to-explain-her-conduct-in-grants-payment-crisis

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Saxonwold Shebeen

Brain Molefe gave us up and now we are going mainstream fam!

Come down for a cold brewsky while you decide the fate of the rainbow nation!

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